True Life: I’ve Had an Abortion

I've been struggling a lot with this Texas abortion law. And perhaps this isn't the right place to post this but... I'm a writer and so... I have to write.

I've always been pro-choice but said I would never, personally, get an abortion.

Until I did.

Last October, after having my tubes tied for 3.5 years, I went to the emergency room in pain, thinking I had a cyst.

I found out I was almost 8 weeks pregnant. My baby was in my tubes. Not only would I lose my baby but it was very likely that this experience could kill me. I had all of 10 minutes to decide my next steps.

After having my tubes tied for so long, pregnancy was never even on my mind. I was dealing with the physical pain plus the shock of hearing that I was pregnant, the joy of the idea of having a fourth child, the anxiety of being in a hospital in the middle of a global pandemic ... and now I had to make the decision to have emergency surgery. The decision was "easy". If I wanted to survive, I had to have an abortion.

But... this decision was anything but easy.

Suddenly, after years of saying that I would never personally have an abortion, I was being wheeled into the OR.

I know in my heart that it was the "right" decision. I wouldn't be here if I hadn't approved that surgery. But I struggle every day knowing that we lost a baby. I am a dedicated mom to my three kids. I love our fourth baby just as much. But I also know that our baby would not have survived my pregnancy.

Then I see people online, people I know, talking about how abortion is murder.

If I hadn't had that surgery, I. Would. Have. Died. There's no way around that fact. My 3 kids wouldn't have a mom. My husband wouldn't have a wife. I wouldn't be here.

I’ve seen people say that my story is different ... somehow more understandable. Of course anyone would have made the decision I made. But that’s not true. After I announced my loss, I saw messages about how I should have tried harder to save my baby…. about how I should have asked to re-plant the baby into my uterus. Not only does this not work, it’s extremely dangerous. But it didn’t stop people from telling me that that’s what I should have done instead.

I was dealing with an indescribable loss and here were people I barely knew… judging me and calling me horrible names. Now there are laws being passed that would have made my loss even harder to process. Until you’re in the situation I was in, you’ll never know how broken I felt afterward. That unfair judgement? It was just salt in the wound.

My husband was very much involved in the reason why I was pregnant in the first place. And he was very much involved in the decision for me to get an abortion. In fact, he didn't even think twice when the doctor came in and explained what was happening. He wanted to save his wife and this was the only way to do it.

Do you know what people say about my husband regarding this decision? No one calls him a murderer. No one makes him feel bad about this decision. The stigma towards abortion is always focused on the woman, even though BOTH of us were involved in every step of this process.

My point for telling my personal story is so that people can understand how dangerous these anti-abortion laws are. There are real people with families and lives behind these cruel laws.

This new Texas law is not about unborn children.

And if you support it, you aren't pro-life. You can't be. You're supporting a law that would have killed me.

You can't be pro-life when you support a law that would have taken mine.