I Don't Want to Be an Influencer: Why Staying Small Is Not the Same as Failing

There’s no rule book or manual for running your own business. Sure, there are courses and books to read. But when it comes down to it, you really can do whatever you want.

In this month’s solo episode, I got into the one thing I really hate about being an entrepreneur: having to become a flippin’ influencer. 

I’m a Writer. Not an Influencer

At a recent networking meeting, we talked about how, as a small business owner, we have to become content creators. And can I tell you something … as much as I love what I do, the second someone tells me I need to be making reels or putting my face on camera to "build my brand," I want to run for the hills.

I'm a writer. I love writing about other people, building strategies that get them attention, and helping them sound like themselves online. I love when I deliver a page of content and my client is like “omg this is SO me!!”

What I don't love is hyping myself up. This is a voice for radio, not a face for the internet, and I've made peace with that. But that conversation got me thinking about something bigger than my own camera-shyness.

I started thinking about comparison, about what we actually see online, and about a story I haven't told in a while that I think you need to hear.

The Content Creator Trap

Public speaking is a skill. Being comfortable on camera is a skill. Some people are born with it, some build it over time, and some of us just aren't ever going to love it. That's completely okay. It’s a normal part of the game.

What's not okay is looking at everyone else's content — their reels, their launches, their aesthetic — and deciding you need to become someone else just to keep up.

It's an easy trap, especially when business is slow or you're not feeling confident. You think, they've been in business less time than me and seem so much more successful, I should be doing what they're doing. Maybe you should. But you don't have to. Let me tell you why.

The Bro Marketer Story

Years ago, when I was first starting out, I wrote for pretty much anyone who would hire me. I needed the money and the experience. One client, through an agency I worked with, was a 22-year-old bro marketer selling a course on dropshipping, I think, though the specifics don't matter. His whole brand was built on an aspirational life: fancy cars, a massive mansion, money everywhere, the classic "buy my course and you can have this too" pitch.

He did a content shoot day, which is completely normal. Nobody wants to do full glam every single day, so you batch your photos. I got the pictures back and he was standing next to fancy cars in front of an enormous mansion. I was genuinely impressed and told him so.

He told me the truth: the cars were rented. The mansion was an Airbnb. He didn't know most of the people in the photos. He'd drained his own bank account to pay for the shoot.

That was the moment it hit me. So much of what we see online, especially in spaces trying to sell us something, is fabricated. That course he was selling was never going to get his buyers to the life in those photos, because he wasn't even living it himself.

That happened seven years ago, and it still sticks with me every time I catch myself in a comparison spiral. When you look at someone's life online and think, why doesn't mine look like that, ask yourself first: is that even real?

Why Staying Small Isn't Failing

That same networking group brought up something else that changed how I think about growth. When I started this business, I bought into the idea that success meant scaling. That true success meant building a team, becoming an agency, and growing bigger and bigger.

And for some people, it does. But the more I chased that, the more I realized I didn't actually want it.

I'm currently managing raising three kids who all participate in competitive sports, a husband, two dogs, a part-time job at my daughters’ dance studio, a youth lacrosse league I somehow found myself in charge of, and a few governmental commissions and non-profit board seats. I started this business to be creative and to help other people build what they want to build, not to manage a team on top of everything else.

Sitting with women intentionally building small, sustainable businesses reminded me that staying small isn't settling. Sometimes, it’s the best choice for your life.

You don't have to build an empire to be successful. You just have to build something that fits the life you actually want.

You Never Know Who's Listening

My sister-in-law Katie texts me every single week with her thoughts on the podcast. She recently told me something I needed to hear.

I mentioned I never know if people actually want these solo episodes, since I love hearing other people's stories more than talking about myself. She told me that when I talk about my own business, I'm still relating to people. They're just on the other side of the microphone.

That landed, because it's easy to feel like you're shouting into a void when engagement is quiet. But you never know who's listening. A friend recently brought up a post I wrote about what a website should do, and I was floored she remembered it. You don't need rented Lamborghinis to get someone's attention. You just need to say something that resonates.

This ties into a spiral I got stuck in this summer. One of my highest-traffic blog posts of all time is about not losing your mind as a work-from-home mom during summer break. And this summer, I have been losing my mind daily. My kids are home because I decided we didn't need camp, and I was wrong. I felt like a total fraud comparing myself to moms posting picture-perfect summers.

But social media only shows you what someone wants you to see. It's never the whole picture. Celebrating other people's wins is great, but it shouldn't make you feel bad about your own life.

TL;DR: Read This if You’re Feeling Some Type of Way About Your Business

If you're feeling like you're not good enough, that your business isn't big enough, that you're failing as a mom or a partner or a community member, chances are someone out there is looking at you thinking, I wish I could do that.

Comparison is almost always built on incomplete information. The next time you catch yourself spiraling, remember the bro marketer with the rented Lamborghinis. A lot of what you're comparing yourself to isn't even real.

More Business Stories Like This

If this episode resonated with you, I would genuinely love to hear from you. Click here to submit whatever thoughts or questions about copywriting, marketing, small business ownership, parenting, or just being a woman navigating all of it. You can also find me on Instagram, Facebook, and Threads.

I'll be back next week with another phenomenal woman in business. I've got interviews recorded all the way through mid-November, and every single one is worth your time. You can also catch the written version of every episode on the blog.

As always, thanks for being a part of my Chaotic community, and remember: be kind to yourself. You’re probably doing better than you think.