Regulating Our Nervous Systems with Sarah Avilla
If you've ever snapped at your kids the second they walked through the door, cried in your car before walking into work, or lay awake wondering why you can't just stop feeling this way, this episode is going to feel like someone finally put words to everything you've been carrying.
In this episode of The Chaotic Middle Podcast, I sat down with Sarah Avilla, an EFT tapping practitioner and integrative health coach based in Knoxville, Tennessee. Sarah is a mom to a soon-to-be six-year-old son, a former corporate project manager, and someone who found her way to this work not by accident — but by burning out hard enough that she had no choice but to find something that actually worked.
Spoiler: it did.
What Even Is EFT Tapping?
Let's start here, because if you're like most people, you've either never heard of it or you've scrolled past it on Instagram and thought, "What is happening right now?"
EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Techniques, most commonly known as tapping. It's a stress reduction and emotional regulation tool that works by literally turning off your body's stress response. You tap on specific acupressure points on the body while focusing on a thought, feeling, or fear — and it essentially tells your nervous system, "Hey, we're safe. You can stand down."
Sarah works primarily with high-performing women — the ones with big goals, high standards, and an inner critic that never clocks out.
"Anytime you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself and you have really high goals, it's natural for self-doubt to creep in. It's natural for impostor syndrome to creep in. EFT is a really amazing tool that we can use to essentially turn off how your body responds to certain situations."
The results? Faster than you'd expect. Sarah worked on her fear of public speaking with her own EFT practitioner — and within a week, she was invited to speak at a wellness conference. Not because the opportunity magically appeared, but because she'd cleared the fear that was keeping her from showing up as someone who was ready for it.
Why Your Worth Isn't About What You Produce (Even If Your Nervous System Disagrees)
One of the most powerful moments in this conversation came early, when I brought up a line from Sarah's website that stopped her in her tracks:
"While I wasn't aware of it until years later, my nervous system had learned that my value was connected with how well I performed and what I produced. My self-worth was wrapped up in external measures."
For Sarah, this was rooted in her years as a competitive soccer player and growing up with parents who had high academic expectations. Praise came when she performed. Criticism came when she didn't. And her nervous system — just doing its job — learned that performing and achieving was the only way to stay safe and feel loved.
Sound familiar? It should. Because a lot of us are walking around with that same wiring — former athletes, dancers, straight-A students, eldest daughters — still chasing a standard we set for ourselves in childhood, wondering why we can never quite feel like enough.
"Your brain and your body's only goal is to keep you safe. When you perform and achieve and people praise you for it — that becomes what your nervous system thinks safety looks like."
The breaking point for Sarah came eight months postpartum, still grinding away at her corporate job as an implementation project manager. The burnout wasn't just physical. It was the moment she finally saw the pattern clearly: she was burning herself out because she'd tied her entire sense of worth to what she could produce. And the impossible standard she'd set for herself? Nobody could meet it.
"I got to a place where I was like, I can't operate like this anymore."
The Bathtub Analogy That Will Change How You Think About Stress
Sarah is the kind of person who loves a good analogy, and she came through with one of the best I’ve heard on this podcast.
Picture a bathtub. The water pouring in is all the stress coming into your life — work, kids, relationships, the mental load, the never-ending to-do list. The drain is all the tools you use to release it: exercise, walks, yoga, eating well, sleep. Most of us spend all our energy focused on the drain.
But here's what we miss: we also need to look at what's controlling the faucet.
Because when your nervous system is already overwhelmed, that bathtub is operating near capacity at all times. It doesn't take much — one missed nap, one hard conversation, one kid who won't stop touching you — and suddenly the water is overflowing onto the floor and you're completely losing it.
"When we use EFT every day, it helps us build resilience because we're not just releasing the stress through the drain — we're also shifting how we respond to stress, which impacts the flow of water into the tub. It handles both areas."
EFT, used consistently, keeps the water level manageable. It doesn't make the stressors disappear. It changes how your nervous system registers and responds to them, so the faucet doesn't turn into a fire hose every time something goes wrong.
The Mom Piece Nobody Talks About
About 80-85% of Sarah's clients are moms. Most of them are working moms in some capacity. And the reason they come to her tends to fall into two camps:
Camp One (about 60%): They've already hit the wall. Hard. They're exhausted, overwhelmed, and quietly terrified that this — the constant running on empty, the snapping, the guilt — is just what motherhood is going to look like for the next 18 years.
Camp Two (about 40%): They haven't fully crashed yet, but they're noticing the cracks. They feel reactive with their partner. Their kids trigger them constantly. They're overstimulated and overwhelmed, and talking about it isn't cutting it anymore. They need something that works on a body level, not just a thinking level.
And here's something Sarah shared that was genuinely eye-opening: kids between the ages of 0 and 8 cannot regulate their own nervous systems. They rely on something called co-regulation — meaning they need their parent to feel regulated in order to feel regulated themselves.
Which means when your kids come home from school already dysregulated from a full day of sitting still and following rules, and they walk into a house where you're also dysregulated from your own full day, it’s like two overstimulated nervous systems crashing into each other with nobody to anchor the ship.
"It's like a storm of 'I feel like I'm going to explode.' And you snap. And then you feel like a terrible parent. And it's like — I don't want to be this way, but I can't stop it."
The guilt cycle that follows? Also very real. And very exhausting.
The reframe Sarah offers? Your body isn't broken. It's not something wrong with you. Your nervous system is just trying to keep you safe. The shift from shame to compassion alone is sometimes what finally allows people to do something about it.
You Can Do This On Your Own, Too
One of the things that makes EFT uniquely accessible is that you don't need a practitioner to use it. While working one-on-one with someone (especially for deeper work like inner child healing) can accelerate results significantly, EFT is also something you can incorporate into your daily routine entirely on your own.
Some of Sarah's clients use it as a 15-minute morning practice instead of traditional meditation. Others use it reactively — when they notice they've been procrastinating, feel the anxiety spiking, or just need to calm down before the school pickup tornado hits.
Sarah's own son — not yet six — has started tapping on his own during big feelings, because he's watched his mom do it. And honestly? That might be the most powerful thing she said in the entire episode.
"He's mirroring how I talk to him. He's mirroring how I take care of myself. We want to be teaching them those things so that they feel like they have the tools, too."
Answering the Chaotic Questions
At the end of every episode, I ask each guest the same three questions. Here's how Sarah answered:
If you could go back and talk to your 2005 self, what would you tell her?
"That she can take the pressure off of herself. It's not so serious."
A new mom comes to you for advice — what's the first thing you tell her?
"Fill her cup first. An emotionally dysregulated adult can't regulate an emotionally dysregulated kid."
What do you hope your son remembers from this time in his life with you?
"How present I was with him. That I wasn't always on my phone or always doing work — that I could just be with him, get down on his level, and be playful and creative with him."
Where to Find Sarah
Sarah is most active on Instagram. Her link in bio has everything you need to book a session or learn more about her work. You can also reach her directly by email at hello@wellwithsarah.com.
Not sure if it's right for you? Sarah encourages everyone to start with one session — no long-term commitment required. Think of it like a first workout. You don't build the muscle overnight, but you have to start somewhere.
Ready to Hear More Stories Like This?
I loved talking with Sarah. Not only was she completely full of great advice and techniques that I definitely need in my life, but she was also just so down-to-earth and relatable. She’s also a great Instagram follow, so I highly recommend heading over there and clicking the follow button!
If this conversation inspired you, you're going to love The Chaotic Middle podcast, where we feature real stories from real people navigating the beautiful mess of work, life, motherhood, and everything in between.
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